smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
