I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
