i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
