You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
