1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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