I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would ride that face into the sunset
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
