my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I would fuck him just for his dog
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
