I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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