Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
