And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Redeem this text for a blowjob
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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