I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
