it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
