It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
