I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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