Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize