Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
