i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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