thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
