that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
did i just pee glitter
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
