whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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