I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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