her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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