it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he had hair everywhere except his balls
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
