Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
