he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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