i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize