No stitches, just platelets and will power
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
