hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
