So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And then my night got REAL pukey
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize