i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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