I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm having to shit out rocks
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize