we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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