I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
