I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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