my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
