Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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