I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
