You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
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