Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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