I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
