Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
