we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
