I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
