He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
did you just send me my own nude
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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