I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
