I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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