I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
