Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
