Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
