I feel great
I just peed on a car
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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