if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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