whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
