Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
