You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
