you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
