Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
