I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
