what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
