so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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