Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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