he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
