He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
