we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
