just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
accomplished twins. life is a go
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
