I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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