Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
