The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
