I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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