Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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