So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize