im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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