can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
