I should be sponsored by Trojan
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
