Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
