I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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