it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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